Restricting Phone Access and Aggressive Behavior or Injuries

Question: When working in the emergency department, I frequently see children who have escalated into aggressive behavior or threatened self-harm when their parents have removed their access to their cell phones/social media. Are the self-harm risks real in these scenarios? Should parents be using different methods to set limits for their children rather than restricting phone/social media access? 

Answer: It’s important to take any statements that teenagers make about hurting themselves or others seriously. If an adolescent has an intense emotional reaction to a caregiver limiting their access to a phone or social media, it’s important to ask why. There may be other underlying mental health or peer relation factors at play, such as potential bullying or social exclusion, or concerns about a friend and wanting to stay connected with them. Dr. Shiri Raphaely, a child and adolescent psychiatrist from UW-Madison, explains that when young people talk about hurting themselves or others, it could point to broader issues within their family or another system.  

Dr. Raphaely says, “This behavior also always makes me think about the kind of activities kids are participating in online and the activities available to them offline. If a kid threatens self-harm or violence when being asked to stop technology use, what is happening that is leading to this intensity of feeling? What is so terrible about the alternative (and boredom really does seem to be quite unpleasant for a lot of kids these days)? Or what do they fear will end as the result of stopping tech use - i.e. an online relationship? A streak? [Streak: when people attempt to send and receive a Snap from friends or engage in other ways on apps for as many consecutive days as possible]. What are their emotional vulnerabilities in general that lead to these statements?” 

Why might restricting phone or social media access have negative outcomes?  

Limiting screentime or taking away access to technology in general can be difficult to navigate, especially for parents because social media can serve as a crucial social outlet for adolescents. Removing their access could be emotionally distressing for them.  

A survey study conducted by the Pew Research Center with more than 700 teens illustrates this: reporting that 81% of respondents felt that while there might be some negative interactions online, social media can help them feel more connected with their friends. In addition, two-thirds of teens report that these platforms make them feel “as if they have people who will support them through tough times”. This is important because an increased number of friendships can serve as a protective factor against self-harm for teens. Through University of Virgina professor Andre Cavalcante’s year of fieldwork with LGBTQ+ teens, he observed that social media platform, Tumblr, can act as a “vibrant center of queer discourse and collectivity”. As a tool that helps teens connect socially, it can be understandable why teenagers might react negatively to their social media being taken away.  

Parents have identified other critical reasons why teens want or need to have access to their screens such as schoolwork or safety that may prevent parents from removing or limiting teens’ access to devices. It’s also important to note that adolescence is a period of increased autonomy and independence-seeking, so limits that parents set on technology use or other activities may cause conflict.  

What can parents do? 

Overall, our literature review has shown no evidence that completely removing or taking away access to cell phones or social media is effective at disciplining teens. When setting time limits or boundaries for adolescents, there are several tips and tools that parents can use to more effectively uphold expectations without needing to take away an adolescent’s phone or social media.  

• Show compassion and acceptance. Studies have shown that parents who exercise “compassion and acceptance” had lower levels of adolescent children acting aggressively or violently.  
• Focus on solutions and positive aspects of technology. Parents who expressed a more positive view on screen use during research interviews were more likely to share that their children “make good use of appropriate, rather than harmful, content”. Although there may be risks, not all screentime or social media use is harmful; at times, in fact, digital media can provide adolescents with convenient outlets of connection and socialization that would be difficult to maintain otherwise. 
• Work together to create a family media plan. The American Academy of Pediatrics provides a free Family Media Plan, which can be used by adolescents and parents together to co-create guidelines around media use for all family members.  
• Role model healthy behaviors. Parents can also support teens by role modeling balanced technology themselves and avoiding over-monitoring.  
• Seek help if there are concerns about an adolescent’s safety. It’s okay to feel worried or scared if parents discover that their teen is or might be self-harming. If they are concerned about their child’s safety, parents should call their doctor or go to the nearest emergency room. 

For more information about aggressive behavior and self-harm, we recommend viewing these previous portal responses and resources: 

• Handling Big Emotions – This previous portal response highlights how to help young children handle big emotions without tantrums or aggression. 
• 4 Conversations to Have with Older Kids and Teens About Their Screen Time Habits – Common Sense Media provides four talking points that parents can have with their teens about social media use.  
• Helping a Teen Who Self-Harms – This resource from Massachusetts General Hospital provides tips on how parents of teens who self-harm along with succinct, clear information on what self-harm is.   
• When Children and Teens Self-Harm – Two physicians who authored this Healthy Children article provide a question and answer style article which includes videos and direct, succinct answers to a variety of questions regarding self-harm, suicide, and how to help their child. 
• Helping Teens Who Self-Harm – KidsHealth shares several tips on how parents their teenagers who are self-harming and provides a brief description why teens may choose to injure themselves. 

References  

• Aggarwal, S., Patton, G., Reavley, N., Sreenivasan, S. A., & Berk, M. (2017). Youth self-harm in low-and middle-income countries: systematic review of the risk and protective factors. International journal of social psychiatry, 63(4), 359-375. 
• Anderson, M., & Jiang, J. (2018) Teens’ Social Media Habits and Experiences | Pew Research Center. Retrieved June 26, 2024 
• Cavalcante, A. (2018). Tumbling Into Queer Utopias and Vortexes: Experiences of LGBTQ Social Media Users on Tumblr. Journal of Homosexuality, 66(12), 1715–1735. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2018.1511131 
• Marsh, S., Chu, J. T. W., & Calder, A. J. (2024). ‘I tried to take my phone off my daughter, and I got hit in the face’: a qualitative study of parents’ challenges with adolescents’ screen use and a toolbox of their tips. BMC public health, 24(1), 217. 
• Yue, L., Cui, N., Golfenshtein, N., Cui, N., Hao, Y., & Lyu, P. (2022). The protective role of mindful parenting against child maltreatment and aggressive behavior: an exploratory study among Chinese parent-adolescent dyads. Child and adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 16(1), 72. 

Age: 6-17 

Topics: Setting limits, handling big emotions, tantrums, aggression, aggressive behavior, self-harm, threats of self-harm, social media/phone removal, methods to set limits 

Role: Clinician