Question: We have been very strict in our technology use within our house. Both kids have 30 minutes each day on their computer which is heavily monitored. I find myself overwhelmed and almost afraid of allowing more flexibility because of all the negative outcomes. I would like to change my mindset to encourage positive tech usage. Are there resources to guide parents in introducing technology?”

 

Answer: 

Why parenting in the digital age feels so hard!

As technology rapidly evolves and seems to play a role in most parts of everyday life, it can feel overwhelming to figure out how to parent around it. Many parents and caregivers didn’t grow up using advanced technology at home and in school like children are now. Families often feel social pressure to introduce technology (so that their kids “keep up” and are tech-savvy), yet at the same time feel social pressure to limit tech use (so that they are not judged for letting their kids be “couch potatoes” or “addicted to screens”). It’s hard to find a sweet spot in the middle, especially when messages about this topic in the press can focus on the extremes.

Also, there are good reasons to not let your kids have open access to technology. These products don’t have safety protections like cars, toys, food, or other things kids use. This means that popular platforms might be designed around goals like getting lots of users or making money from ads – not around child wellbeing.

We explain this to say that your feelings of uncertainty about tech are normal! In fact, most parents feel a similar way, and many want ideas for how to make screen media use feel less angst-ful, and more meaningful, in their family.

What are parents most worried about?

Like you, parents often have a range of concerns about digital media. In a study of parents of 5-11-year-olds, participants described worries about:

  • Inappropriate content (82%)
  • Time (71%)
  • Displacement (71%) (i.e. media use takes the place of other healthy behaviors like physical activity or sleep)
  • Monitoring (53%)
  • Safety, reputation, privacy (53%)
  • Inappropriate behavior/mood (29%)
  • Social skills (29%)
  • Compulsive media use (24%)

What are positive opportunities for digital media?

If parents only have a risk-based mindset, they may not be aware of the opportunities available to children through media. These include:

  1. Educational and meaningful storytelling. Children learn a lot through stories, and TV shows and movies have the potential to tell powerful stories that help children see the world through characters’ eyes, expanding their worldview and building empathy. Well-designed media can be a connector and source of conversation ideas, especially when parents and children watch shows or movies together. Think of the programs or movies you might have loved as a child, and watch some of them with your own kids. Here’s a good list of movies for movie night.
  2. Educational activities like learning to code, creating videos, or learning science or math. For elementary school-aged children, there are a lot of good screen-based educational programs that may be introduced through school. Giving kids the opportunity to participate in the creation of media and tech helps them to have a more critical eye towards what is designed well, and what isn’t.
  3. Connection to family and friends who are far away. A regular videochat routine can help your child build stronger relationships with distant connections. Videochats can include tea parties, reading books, or telling jokes too.
  4. Parent “me time.” Interviews with parents reveal how stressful and exhausting it can be to raise children, and how brief times occupying kids with media can help parents recharge so that parenting feels more manageable. Try this mindset shift: a little planned and positive screen use can be a resource - a break for you so that you can focus on a few things that help your life feel balanced. Offering screens at a predictable time of day will help your child know what to expect so they don’t feel like they need to beg or negotiate for it throughout the day.

Another mindset shift: Seeing things from your child’s perspective

Because this topic triggers fear or guilt in parents, we often want to control it. However, a controlling mindset makes it hard to be curious about children’s perspectives about why they love media. By understanding what drives kids’ interests in tech, we are more likely to meet them where they are and support their development of a healthy relationship with it (In fact, overly controlling and restrictive parenting practices around media are actually linked with less healthy and more compulsive child media use).

One study of middle schoolers and their parents highlights the disconnect that tweens believe exists between their perspectives about technology – including the purpose and value of digital media – and that of their parents.

Students also said that their parents didn’t understand how they used their phones. Parents tended to place restrictions on how often and when they could use their phones, rather than helping them avoid harmful content.

Facilitating a mutual positive tech mindset

To help you build a mutual understanding with your kids about your values, perceived problems, and tech-related household rules, here are a few ideas for facilitating a positive tech mindset in the family:

  • Consider the best times to chat with kids about tech topics from expert psychologist Emily Weinstein:
    • Before they get or start using a new device or app (the earlier the better!)
    • When driving your child to or from activities (you have some alone time with them in the car) or on a walk
    • During a family meal if you want to have a conversation
    • During downtime at home
    • After your child has shared something that happened at school or with peers related to these topics
  • Refer to the 5 Cs of Media Guidance. We have heard from pediatricians that the 5 Cs approach allows parents to have a more positive mindset about healthy media habits during conversations in clinic, rather than only focusing on ‘screen time.’ Think about how these Cs apply to your family:
    • Child: Who is your child, their unique strengths and challenges? How does this shape their media use and how they react to it?
    • Content: What content is high-quality and worth your child’s time? How does negative content affect your child’s thoughts and emotions?
    • Calm: How does your child calm down strong emotions and settle down for sleep?
    • Crowding Out: When your child uses media for too long, what does it get in the way of?
    • Communication: How often do you talk about your family’s digital experience and discuss media use with your child? How do you support their problem-solving and critical thinking when they face challenges online (e.g. targeted advertising, inappropriate content, cyberbullying, etc.)? Do you co-view media with your child (i.e. watch a show beside them and talk through important or confusing scenes, ask them questions, and engage with them)?
  • Explore these strengths-based resources:
    • Building Healthy Relationships with Media: Essential Skills for Children 10 and Younger. Developed in collaboration with the Kids Online Health and Safety Interagency Task Force, this includes tips and activity cards to help children build healthy media habits starting at a young age. The practical strategies include ways to build balance, critical thinking, self-regulation and safety skills for toddlers through elementary school aged-children.
    • Tech + Values Sort. From the Center for Digital Thriving, this tool offers families a way to identify what’s important to you and your family when introducing tech. Kids can pinpoint and rethink habits as well as figure out which values are made easier and harder due to digital media.
  • Create a Family Media Plan by working together as a family to set rules and expectations about social media, establishing tech habits that support your family values.
  • Before introducing a phone, learn more about the signs of readiness in this article by Dr. Jenny Radesky.

References

 

 

 

Age: 6-11

Topics: 7-year-old, 9-year-old, middle childhood, introduction of technology, positive mindset around tech

Role: Parent

Last Updated

12/19/2024

Source

American Academy of Pediatrics